English A Lit IA Exemplar: Esther Greenwood’s Identity Conflict in… | RevisionDojo

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IB English A Lit HL Internal Assessment Example

How does Sylvia Plath, through the characterisation of Esther Greenwood in The Bell Jar,explore the protagonist's internal conflict as she grapples with the restrictive societal pressures of 1950s America in her search for identity, ultimately contributing to her mental breakdown?HL

Official IB Result

13/20

Criteria A: Knowledge, Understanding and Interpretation

4/5

Criteria Strands

A.1Knowledge and understanding of the work/text

Excellent

A.2Use of references and textual support

Good

Criteria Feedback

You show good knowledge of The Bell Jar and keep your argument closely tied to Esther Greenwood’s identity crisis.
Your references to key moments such as the fig tree, Buddy, Marco, and the New York episodes are relevant and usually well chosen.
You consistently connect the novel to wider ideas about gender pressure, autonomy, and social expectations.

Some points are explained in broad thematic terms rather than with close attention to the novel’s complexity.
A few references, especially the historical comparison at the end, are not fully integrated into the interpretation of Plath’s text.
At times you could unpack Esther’s ambiguity and irony more carefully instead of moving quickly to general claims.

1.1·Strength

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The line of inquiry is clearly focused and conceptually strong: asking how Plath explores Esther’s struggle for identity through characterisation gives the essay a clear interpretive direction. This focus helps keep the discussion anchored to Esther rather than drifting into general context.

1.2·Strength

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The student shows secure knowledge of the novel by selecting a quotation that captures the gendered double standard at the heart of Esther’s conflict. This is effective because it connects the text’s language directly to the essay’s argument about restriction and unequal expectations.

1.3·Strength

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The discussion of the “numb trolley-bus” image shows good understanding of Esther’s loss of agency. The student links the quotation to her lack of control in a way that fits the novel’s broader pattern of paralysis and disillusionment.

1.4·Strength

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The student’s treatment of Esther’s relationships with male characters demonstrates strong textual awareness, especially in the way different encounters are used to expose varying forms of male power. This supports the wider interpretation that Esther’s identity crisis is shaped by social pressure rather than isolated personal weakness.

1.5·Weakness

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The analysis would be stronger if the student unpacked the quotation’s irony more precisely instead of moving quickly to a general claim about women’s dependence. What does Esther’s mistaken assumption reveal about her own expectations, and how does that complicate the critique of gender relations?

1.6·Suggestion

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The student should connect Mrs. Greenwood’s dismissal of Esther’s distress more explicitly to the novel’s historical and psychological context. A brief explanation of why this response is significant would deepen the interpretation and prevent the paragraph from becoming purely thematic.

1.7·Weakness

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The conclusion summarizes the main argument clearly, but it does not add a final interpretive insight. To reach a higher level, the student should use the final sentences to refine the essay’s central claim about identity, perhaps by showing what Plath ultimately suggests about the cost of social restriction.

Criteria B: Analysis and Evaluation

3/5

Criteria Strands

B.1Analysis of textual features and author's choices

Good

Criteria Feedback

You identify a range of literary methods, including symbolism, metaphor, imagery, tone, and narrative perspective.
You often link these choices to Esther’s alienation and loss of agency in a meaningful way.
Your discussion of the fig tree and the trolley-bus image shows clear analytical potential and a good sense of how form shapes meaning.

Some sections rely more on explaining theme than closely analysing how Plath’s language creates effect.
The commentary can become a little formulaic, with technique identification followed by broad interpretation.
You could engage more directly with ambiguity, irony, and Esther’s own uncertainty to make the analysis more convincing.

2.1·Weakness

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The argument here leans toward explanation of theme before close analysis of Plath’s choices. The student should spend more time on how diction, tone, or narrative perspective shape the reader’s response, rather than moving too quickly from quotation to broad thematic claim.

2.2·Strength

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The student identifies the simile and explains its effect on Esther’s sense of helplessness, which shows sound analysis rather than simple description. This works well because the technique is tied to a specific emotional and psychological consequence in the text.

2.3·Strength

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The use of pathetic fallacy is relevant and effectively linked to Esther’s alienation. The student is analysing how setting mirrors mental state, which is a strong way to connect authorial choice to meaning.

2.4·Weakness

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The comment that Esther’s disillusionment is “systemic” is interesting, but it remains general unless the student shows exactly how the wording of the passage creates that effect. More precise language analysis would make the interpretation more convincing.

2.5·Strength

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The interpretation of the fig-tree metaphor is persuasive because it moves beyond naming the symbol and explains its implications for choice, ambition, and paralysis. This is exactly the kind of language-feature analysis that strengthens literary argument.

2.6·Suggestion

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The student could strengthen this paragraph by considering whether the fig-tree image also carries ambiguity: does Esther merely lack choices, or is she also overwhelmed by the pressure of choosing? That nuance would make the analysis more original and less one-dimensional.

2.7·Question

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How does Esther’s own narration shape the reader’s judgement of the male characters — and does that narration ever expose Esther’s uncertainty or bias as well? Exploring that possibility would deepen the evaluation of authorial method.

2.8·Strength

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The student’s attention to irony in the relationship section is a good analytical move, because it begins to show awareness that Esther’s judgments are unstable and sometimes self-revealing. This adds complexity to the discussion of gender and power.

2.9·Weakness

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The final historical comparison does not yet function as evaluation of Plath’s text because it is not closely tested against the novel’s language or narrative structure. The student should either integrate the comparison more tightly into the literary argument or trim it to keep the focus on textual analysis.

Criteria C: Focus, Organization and Development

3/5

Criteria Strands

C.1Organization and development of ideas

Good

C.2Integration of supporting examples

Excellent

Criteria Feedback

Your essay has a clear central line of inquiry and stays connected to it for most of the response.
The paragraphs are logically ordered, moving from Esther’s New York experiences to symbolism, relationships, and mental collapse.
Your quotations are mostly embedded smoothly into the writing and usually support the point being made.

The argument sometimes feels like a sequence of related points rather than a steadily deepening line of thought.
Transitions between sections could be more deliberate so that each paragraph builds more clearly on the last.
The conclusion mainly restates earlier ideas instead of drawing them together into a sharper final insight.

3.1·Strength

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The line of inquiry is clearly stated and gives the essay a coherent conceptual frame. Because the question is specific to Esther Greenwood and the idea of identity under pressure, it supports sustained argument rather than a broad retelling of the novel.

3.2·Strength

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The essay begins with a logically ordered development from Esther’s New York experiences into the wider claim about societal restriction. This helps the paragraph contribute directly to the central argument instead of functioning as an isolated summary.

3.3·Weakness

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This section tends to accumulate ideas rather than advance the line of inquiry step by step. The student should make each paragraph end with a sharper link back to the question so the argument feels cumulative rather than simply sequential.

3.4·Strength

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The progression from ambition and self-image to relationships and power is sensible and mostly cohesive. The student has chosen a structure that allows the argument to develop through different pressures on Esther’s identity, which gives the essay a clear internal logic.

3.5·Weakness

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The transition into the discussion of male relationships would be smoother if the student explicitly explained how this section develops the previous paragraph’s focus on constrained identity. At the moment, the shift feels slightly abrupt.

3.6·Weakness

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The conclusion largely restates earlier points rather than synthesising them into a sharper final judgement. A stronger ending would briefly weigh what Plath ultimately implies about Esther’s prospects for identity and independence.

3.7·Suggestion

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The student should consider adding one concluding sentence that returns to the wording of the line of inquiry. This would create a more decisive circular structure and make the essay feel more deliberately shaped.

Criteria D: Language

3/5

Criteria Strands

D.1Language clarity and accuracy

Excellent

D.2Register and style appropriateness

Excellent

Criteria Feedback

Your writing is clear and appropriately formal for a literary essay.
You use academic vocabulary effectively, which helps maintain a serious analytical tone.
Your sentences are usually understandable and accurate enough to support your argument without obscuring meaning.

Some phrasing is awkward or imprecise, which occasionally weakens the polish of the writing.
Your style can become repetitive when the same analytical verbs and claims are used several times.
A few moments sound more generalized than sharply literary, especially in the final comparison.

4.1·Suggestion

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The student could vary sentence style a little more by mixing longer analytical sentences with shorter, sharper interpretive claims. This would give the writing greater rhythm and help the key arguments stand out more clearly.

4.2·Strength

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The essay is written in a clear academic register, and the vocabulary is well matched to literary analysis. Terms such as “double standard,” “ambition,” and “disillusionment” help the argument sound controlled and suitably analytical.

4.3·Strength

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Sentence structure is mostly accurate and readable, which allows the analysis to remain easy to follow. The student’s phrasing is generally precise enough to support detailed interpretation without obscuring meaning.

4.4·Strength

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The style is consistently formal and appropriate for HL literary writing. The student uses subject-specific language effectively, which helps maintain an academic tone throughout the essay.

4.5·Question

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Where does the essay most clearly show Esther’s own uncertainty rather than simply the pressure placed on her? Identifying that moment would help the student refine both the argument and the voice of the analysis.

4.6·Weakness

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There are occasional moments of awkward phrasing that weaken precision, such as constructions that could be expressed more directly. Tightening sentence wording would make the argument sound more confident and polished.

4.7·Weakness

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Some phrasing becomes repetitive, especially where the same analytical verbs and evaluative expressions recur. Varying sentence openings and tightening repeated wording would improve fluency and give the prose more force.

Loading scores...

Official IB Result

13/20

Criteria A: Knowledge, Understanding and Interpretation

4/5

Criteria Strands

A.1Knowledge and understanding of the work/text

Excellent

A.2Use of references and textual support

Good

Criteria Feedback

You show good knowledge of The Bell Jar and keep your argument closely tied to Esther Greenwood’s identity crisis.
Your references to key moments such as the fig tree, Buddy, Marco, and the New York episodes are relevant and usually well chosen.
You consistently connect the novel to wider ideas about gender pressure, autonomy, and social expectations.

Some points are explained in broad thematic terms rather than with close attention to the novel’s complexity.
A few references, especially the historical comparison at the end, are not fully integrated into the interpretation of Plath’s text.
At times you could unpack Esther’s ambiguity and irony more carefully instead of moving quickly to general claims.

1.1·Strength

Page 1• Click to view

1.2·Strength

Page 2• Click to view

1.3·Strength

Page 3• Click to view

1.4·Strength

Page 4• Click to view

1.5·Weakness

Page 5• Click to view

1.6·Suggestion

Page 6• Click to view

1.7·Weakness

Page 6• Click to view

Criteria B: Analysis and Evaluation

3/5

Criteria Strands

B.1Analysis of textual features and author's choices

Good

Criteria Feedback

You identify a range of literary methods, including symbolism, metaphor, imagery, tone, and narrative perspective.
You often link these choices to Esther’s alienation and loss of agency in a meaningful way.
Your discussion of the fig tree and the trolley-bus image shows clear analytical potential and a good sense of how form shapes meaning.

Some sections rely more on explaining theme than closely analysing how Plath’s language creates effect.
The commentary can become a little formulaic, with technique identification followed by broad interpretation.
You could engage more directly with ambiguity, irony, and Esther’s own uncertainty to make the analysis more convincing.

2.1·Weakness

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2.2·Strength

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2.3·Strength

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2.4·Weakness

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2.5·Strength

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2.6·Suggestion

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2.7·Question

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2.8·Strength

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2.9·Weakness

Page 6• Click to view

Criteria C: Focus, Organization and Development

3/5

Criteria Strands

C.1Organization and development of ideas

Good

C.2Integration of supporting examples

Excellent

Criteria Feedback

Your essay has a clear central line of inquiry and stays connected to it for most of the response.
The paragraphs are logically ordered, moving from Esther’s New York experiences to symbolism, relationships, and mental collapse.
Your quotations are mostly embedded smoothly into the writing and usually support the point being made.

The argument sometimes feels like a sequence of related points rather than a steadily deepening line of thought.
Transitions between sections could be more deliberate so that each paragraph builds more clearly on the last.
The conclusion mainly restates earlier ideas instead of drawing them together into a sharper final insight.

3.1·Strength

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3.2·Strength

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3.3·Weakness

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3.4·Strength

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3.5·Weakness

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3.6·Weakness

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3.7·Suggestion

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Criteria D: Language

3/5

Criteria Strands

D.1Language clarity and accuracy

Excellent

D.2Register and style appropriateness

Excellent

Criteria Feedback

Your writing is clear and appropriately formal for a literary essay.
You use academic vocabulary effectively, which helps maintain a serious analytical tone.
Your sentences are usually understandable and accurate enough to support your argument without obscuring meaning.

Some phrasing is awkward or imprecise, which occasionally weakens the polish of the writing.
Your style can become repetitive when the same analytical verbs and claims are used several times.
A few moments sound more generalized than sharply literary, especially in the final comparison.

4.1·Suggestion

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4.2·Strength

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4.3·Strength

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4.4·Strength

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The style is consistently formal and appropriate for HL literary writing. The student uses subject-specific language effectively, which helps maintain an academic tone throughout the essay.

4.5·Question

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4.6·Weakness

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4.7·Weakness

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